I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June of 2022. In August of 2022 I had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. 

 

At the time of my diagnosis I knew a few things. I knew I wanted:

 

  1. To be healthy, both physically and emotionally.

  2. To nurture and cultivate my relationship with my husband.

  3. To enjoying my children as they moved from their teen years into adulthood.

  4. To live long enough to meet my grandchildren was my ultimate dream. 

 

What I didn't know was if that was the plan for me. 

 

I was scared, tired and overwhelmed. My therapist reminded me that while I had no control of the situation I could control my reaction to the situation. So I started working on my reaction and it helped me get through some really hard times. The pages below are my story.

 

I hope my journey can help you on your journey.

 

Start HERE.

 

Pre-mastectomy I walked. I mean, I walked religiously. Every single day. Multiple miles each day. There is this loop around my neighborhood that I enjoyed immensely. It's so hilly and so hard that I always felt like I must be healthy if I could do it. Even knowing there was cancer growing in my breast, the fact that I could get outside and conquer that hilly loop reminded me that I was strong and I was healthy. It's about 3 miles of hills and it's a butt kicker. 

 

Since the mastectomy I have been able to walk my block but I've been so tired and so sore that I haven't tried the loop. In reality there are a lot of things that I haven't been able to do at the level of intensity I did pre-mastectomy. My yoga practice has changed because my range of motion has changed. My breath work has changed because my lungs feel tight due to my healing chest muscles. I've hiked but not as hard and definitely not as fast as I used to. 

 

I catch myself beating myself up a little. Thinking less of myself. Wishing for more. I'm working on that. Giving myself grace through the healing process is a big focus. But I also still push myself to try to do hard things.

 

Today 12 weeks after surgery #1 and and 2.5 weeks after surgery #2,  I conquered the loop. It's a reminder to me that some things will get back to "normal" with time and other things I'm going to have to find a new normal around but overall - I am alive and I am thankful for that.

 

I am still actively trying to figure out what normal looks like for me.

I am: Being gentle with myself. Giving myself grace. Finding new normals.